As anyone who has taken high school history knows, there is a long list of serious novels written by American presidents.
The least-known presidential novel is probably Calvin Coolidge’s The Orange Boat (1924), a strange and ephemeral little novel about a sailing adventure that goes awry. Coolidge published the novel to modest acclaim under the psuedonym Nicholas Brubaker, yet what’s most interesting about The Orange Boat is the appearance of a young and strapping politican named…Calvin Coolidge. (Coolidge saves the day, saves the boat, gets the girl and the novel’s last line of dialogue. There’s something creepy about it, but you root for him nonetheless.)
More well-known but still relatively obscure is William H. Taft’s supernatural ghost story Olivia. Also published under a psuedonym (Taft would have been jailed if his name had been attached to this book), this is the story of a young girl who drowns in the early 20th century and then returns to haunt the town of Barby, Ohio. What is interesting about Olivia isn’t its tropes, which were overdone even then, but the fact that it contains a wicked, almost perverse sexuality. Olivia taunts the townspeople with her ghostliness, her untouchability; in each scene she is described as beautiful beyond belief, yet no one, especially not the town’s sex-crazed beuracrats, can touch her. There are two scenes in this book where men actually have accidental sex with machines (a johnboat, a push lawnmower) in frenetic attempts to have their way with the title character.
One would be remiss not to mention the forgettable novels written by presidents, of which there are many. There is Theodore Roosevelt’s Fire!, an adventure story about a New York City fireman who rides a white stallion everywhere and speaks every single line (seriously, every one) as an exclamation. There is Rutherford B. Hayes’s Jerry and Dave, a semi-comic tale about two men who talk to one another across the walls of a TB hospital. There is Benjamin Harrison’s The Strange Case of Martin Beggarman, Satanist, which is a complete and unabashed knock-off of a Poe tale. Finally, there is Bill Clinton’s Frosty Mugs, which is a quasi-serious volume published by Oxford’s underground Barnaby Press. FM is the story of a fraternity brother who drinks a lot of beer and chases a lot of skirt. The end.
My favorite presidential novel is probably George H.W. Bush’s Stick in the Eye. It is a coming of age story about a man who has a stick plunged into his eye as a child, but he goes on to great things. Published under his own name, it is the only presidential novel that holds up. The New York Times called Stick “engrossing” and “mesmerizing,” and it is easy to see why. The book contains all of the 20th century’s great themes–war, love, death, disease, corporate jackbooting–and it is by all accounts a masterpiece.